The Angry Birds Movie and why you shouldnt go watch it

click here for the Trailer

I didn't even put a picture here, thats how little respect I have for the francise at this point, not only have they made about 92 vertually identical games, but also invaded every part of our lives, I bet that I could live the rest of my life using only Angry Birds tie-in products without that much of a difference. By going to watch this movie, you engourage them further, finance their next varioation of the game and worst of all, most likely torture yourself by seeing this likely horrible movie. I have to watch it because you people wont leave me alone if I judge the movie by the trailer and then dont even see it. This is the internet after all.

Also whats with the character-desings? The cartoon shorts atleast look like the game.

But until the movie comes out, we wait, concerened for our well-being.

The Worlds End: The cornetto trilogy retrospective finale and summary

Warning! contains mature language, spoilers and Gifs. Read at own risk.

With a title like this, how could it be anything but a masterpiece? While the gap between Shaun of the dead and Hot fuzz was only three years, the last one in the series took six years to complete, partially because all the creative input was working on something else most of the time. But somehow, against all odds, this movie got made, and it was fucking mental!!! Once again, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost play the leads and Edgar Wright directed. The basic plot starts like any other movie about old frieends getting together.

Gary King assembles his old gang to attempt completing the golden mile in their old home-town. It starts off okay, the lads have some fun, drink beer and run into some old acquaintances. but in pub number four it all goes fuck-up. DO NOT READ PAST THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FILM

Gary, while in the bathroom gets into a fight with a young jock and ends up taking his head off, revealing that the townsfolk have been replaced by robots who aren't robots, Blanks, if you will.

and they are filled with blue stuff and have bright lights for eyes and mouths.

With this information the gang decides not to attract too much attention to themselves and try to complete the golden mile. at firs thigs go good until they run into their old school-teacher, Guy Shepard, who explains who built the robots, why they are here and why its a good thing that they are here, They dont fancy being turned into robots filled with blue stuff and decide to take drastic action.

After  realizing that the battle cant be won, they decide to make a run for it but Gary insists they finish what they started. But now he is being chased by not only the entire fucking town of robots, but also his friends, this leads to the absolutely epic finale in wich we see the absolutely terrifying ways shit can get fucked in Garys path to completion, the chase accross town culminates in the Worlds End, the twelveth and final pub. In it we see a masterfully created battle to the death between bros. and we find out why completing the golden mile is so important to Gary. But then one of my favourite scenes from anything ever happens. I wont tell you about it, because if youve seen the film you know what im talking about. In it, we see Gary come to terms with himself. BUT! the world sort of ends and Gary is left without his conclusive final pint.

The ending is bittersweet and leaves a sort of melancholy feeling in you, but we then see that Gary is still, the once and future King! 

But since this is the final post in the series, I will list some of the the connections, running gags and cameos in all three movies.

And thats the only gag  in all three movies, however, there is an arcade-machine that makes an appearance in all three, and several actors appear in all of them, Martin Freeman plays Declan in Shaun of the Dead, a a police-officer in Hot Fuzz and Oliver in this one. Bill Nighy also appears in all three and both Peter Jackson and Cate Blanchett cameo in Hot Fuzz. But why are you looking them up on the internet? go watch them you doofus, then come here and yell at me for missing something obvious.¨

Farewell, until my next post, and then my next retrospective that may or may not be about another English Comedy group and their films.

The Jungle Book and why disney needs to stop making these things

Click here to see the trailer

Yesterday we got a trailer for a live-action version of the Jungle Book, it looks cool, the cast couldn't be better, the CGI animals look great and most of the set-pieces from the original appear to return. The problem here is tone, the original was light-hearted, witty and fun family action. This one appears to be dark, realistic and brooding. Not to say that the original didnt have its fair share of nightmare fuel, but it had more than that, it had apes singing and dansing, it had Baloo!!! this one has the apes and a bear, neither of wich appear to be having that much fun, King Louie is turned into a king kong and Baloo is a generic bear, in fact all the animals lack their distinct features, the best part about Shere-Khan was his square form as the opposite to Baloos round shape.

But we havent seen it yet and  it might be good, but Disney has made live-action versions of so many classics already, with many more announced, Winnie the Pooh is for some reason among those. Now Im not saying theyre going to be bad, just that they are uninspired cashgrabs and show that disney has lost its grip on imaginative and fresh stories. Frozen was a great movie about how the first one is rarely the right guy, among other things. But what happened, we havent gotten anything original since, every movie since has been an adaptation on an old Disney classic. Pixar is doing some great stuff, why cant disney come up with new ideas? They used to be the king! 

A part of the problem might be the fact that they dont know where to go from Frozen, they believe they cant top what they did with the tale of sisterly love. But they dont have to, they could try more diverse characters, I can count on one hand the amount of non-white main-charachters, so theres one idea, or maybe try less conventional love-stories, maybe a movie about a lesbian princess and her struggles in a prejudice world for once? No progress can happen without some risk-taking. So heres to hoping that well get some originality from disney in the future!

Paul and why it is the best fan fiction ever

Thought you'd get a conclusion to the cornetto trilogy? So did everyone else in 2011!

Even though it stars both Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, just like Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, this is not the third installation in the Cornetto Trilogy. Rather, it is a Sci-Fi fanfic. A Fan Fiction of the generic green space-alien:

The film was first thought up on the set of Shaun of the dead, via a doodle that Simon an Nick made. From there the next 6 years they worked the idea into a film, and then made,  and finally released in 2011,  Rather than Edgar Wright Directing it, like normal, Greg Mottola took the role of director, for better or for worse. While being a fun little fish-out.of.water type movie, its also the biggest tribute to Sci-fi, with every other line being a famous quote or reference. 

In fact: a lot of the shots are copie- *ahem* tributed from other movies:

But does borrowing and merely acknowledge the existence of other movies count as tribute?

No, but Paul does much more with the material its given, it plays with the idea of an alien influencing pop-culture, explains why fictional aliens all look the same, retells classic scenes in a modern-earth scenario. Alot of Pauls humor is based on knowing what its paying homage to, like the music at the bar, or the way a phone is shot. And as the loneliest person in my town, I of course noticed every single one of them. But why is Paul the best fanfiction ever? there are two reasons: its published work of two sci-fi fans, and the only other published fanfiction ever is Fifty shades of grey. 

Asterix the land of the gods, and what is wrong with making animated comicbook-movies

Here me out before you rage out in the comments. I personally liked the new Asterix movie, the score was great, the style was spot on and the charachters are amazingly desinged and written. But thats the problem, its too much like the comics, observe:

Look at the composition of the panel, the top half is all text, this does not work in a movie, there are large chuncks of nothing in every frame, causing the point of attention moving around, tiring the viewer, and thus, making the movie feel longer than it actually is. 

But thats not the biggest problem. I asked my friends about the film, but neither had seen it. Why? they didnt grow up reading the comics like I did. But why am I even talking about this? does anyone remember 2002? Thats the year when Scooby-Doo the live-action film came out, and it featured a digital title character, and it looked horrible. Somehow that started a wave of such movies, Garfield, Marmaduke, Smurfs..... It didnt end until this year when Asterix came out. And now there are 5 more movies with the same kind of style announced: Peanuts later this year, Popeye some time in the future, a Smurfs reboot is rumored etc. They all look the same again, Same bouncy, comicbook-style with the same empty space where the speech-bubbles would go. 

But is there a way to fix this? yes there is! And its right here on this wall of text! How convinient!

The Solution To Fixing Comicbook Animation Movies

Rule 1

Thy shalt not reuse the same animationstyle in every movie

Rule 2

Thee shalt comprise the frames like any other movie

Rule 3

Remember all those other movies and dont make yours like theirs was

Rule 4

Stay loyal to the source-material but consider new audiences who are not familiar with it

And thats how you make a good animated comicbook movie. But if there is a Calvin and Hobbes movie I will start a riot! It wasnt meant to be one long story! Leave them alone!

Hot Fuzz: Cornetto trilogy retrospective: part two

This is part 2 of a 3-part series of posts, expect spoilers, swearing and gifs! You have been warned!

Hot Fuzz was not a logical continuation for Shaun of the dead, but the fact that the trilogy only shares the cast, editing style and a joke, we can overlook this minor detail. Most of the cast did indeed return, like Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Bill Nighy. The fast-paced editing and pseudo-realistic action return aswell, thouhg this time mocking the fact that cops in movies never do any of the considerable amount of paperwork that they should.

As mentioned, this time around Pegg and Frost are police-men-officers in the small town of Sandford, Pegg playing a sergeant, Nick Angel, who has without his consent, been transferred from London, for the reason that hes too good, and they can't have that. Frost, on the other hand, plays the local village-idiot-cop, Danny, who feels like he's missing out on the action, due to being from Sandford.

The story is as follows,  Nick gets sent to small town, befriends Danny, no-one else likes him, shit goes fuck-up. In the beginning of the shit going fuck-up, Nick notices that things are not right in Sandford, crimes arent dealt with acordingly, minors are allowed at the pub, and no in the police force gives a shit. Angel meets the townsfolk, who are not normal, and starts noticing how everyone appears too good, and theres never anything going on. Then, a speeding solicitor and his mistress are found dead after their interpertaiton of Romeo and Juliet turns out to invoke this face:

Nick doesent believe that the cause of death was actually a traffic-collision as is lead to believe, but rather it was cold-blooded murder. (it was) As a result, the entire station starts hating on poor Nicholas, and starts pranking him. Later a wealthy business-man gets himself blown up by leaving the gas on after making himself a fry-up. Once again, Nick is suspicious. And while everyone else is in denial of the truth, a church-fete is held, and Angel is put as host, leading to more bulliyng.

Then, the editor of the local newspaper gets a piece of chuch-roof down his skull, once again leading everyone to believe that it was an accident, despite Nicks best efforts. During all this Nick and Danny get closer, and while on Dannies birth-day, Nick goes to buy him a plant, He witnesses yet another murder, and even though he chases a suspect, no one believes him.

After conducting a search of his own, Nick concludes that the murderer is Simon Skinner, the manager of the local super-market. After finding no conclusive evindence against him, the case is closed. However, the very same night, the 7-foot tall Lurch, under the guidance of Skinner, attacks Nick in his hotel room. After following the lead to the castle, a random twist appears, I won't spoil it, just in case you only came here to be able to be a part of the cool kids who can talk about Hot Fuzz.

Nick is then forced away from the village, but he returns, armed and dangerous. Shooting up the entire village, killing no-one and absolutely ridiculing every modern action movie. Joined by Danny, the hero cop arrests all those responsible for the killings. The climax ends in the entire fucking police-station blowing to little bits. 

The movie retains most of the charm of Shaun of the Dead, all the while manageing to be unique and fresher than than the ingridients that make up crandberry juice during the winter. Also, laying down the groundwork for using old Bond-actors as minor villains was done with this film. And while not the best in the trilogy, no one can question its genious and greatness. So go rewatch it, then go Watch The Worlds End, for though I might return next week with a twinkle in my eye, I will indeed be blind! of laughter, after making the final part of this retrospective, all about The Worlds End, and the Cornetto trilogy as a whole aswell. And maybe I might make a review of Inside Out, if you guys are nice! And maybe in the future I might make another Retrospective of another trilogy. and maybe I allready have teased it.