Captain America: Civil War

Well, there it is. Nothing in my life will ever come close to this. From now on things will just get progressively worse. 

They wont but this film was FUCKING AMAZING!!!

Picture this: the Winter Soldier, the Avengers and The Dark Knight had a child. It wouldnt come close to what this movie is. Everything I espected and more. Just great performances, just great action, just great characters, just great conflict, just great stuff, just great comedy, just great tragedy. It was all just so great!! The rest of the MCU is now in the corner wearing a dunce-hat for not being Civil War. Shame on you! 

There isn't much I can say without spoiling anything. So I'll wait 'til the worldwide release has gone by and make a little opinion-video ;) Just for you guys!

Zootopia

The Godfather, Breaking Bad, serious crimes against minorities. Things kids don't shouldn't see in movie-theaters. Yet they do, because Disney has masked it as an animal city-film. I ofcourse notice the subtle nods and hints 'cause I'm a grown-ass man! but kids don't, because kids, as has been well-documented, are dumb. Thats why we have schools. but enough of my bitterness, how is the latest Disney-film? It is amazing. That is it. It is well-cast, well-animated, well-written, well-paced and most importantly; well-made. Go take your kids to it, they'll love it. And if you have no kids of your own, Well, thats too bad, guess you'll have to go alone you loser.

But what was that beginning about? The part about serious crimes against minorities? It was about the main-plot of the film. In the town of Zootopia, there is a subtle class-system in place. You'll find it being very offensive if you replace the word "predator" with any minor group present in our society. You will likely feel rather offended. Thats why Zootopia works only in animated form, if it was live-action, the minority "predator" would have to be replaced with something real, like a racial, sexual or other type of minority. Hell, could even be a gender!

But ENOUGH!! says the Don, I think. Was that a line in any of the godfather films? I forget. Tomorrow I will deliver a review of what shall surely be better than any of those insomsia-cures. Captain America: Civil War!!!!1!!!!1!!!!!!!111111 So look forward to that! NO SPOILERS, Promise =)

The Revenant

The Revenant, if you noticed, won a few prizes. Including an Oscar to Leonardo DiCaprio. Wich you knew because theres no way you missed the singularity forming where the internet used to be. And the film won all of the awards for good reason too! It was so amazing that if I wasnt a student without a job, I'd see it again. But the one time was enough for me to tell you how amazing it actually was.

Extremely

Moving on; The directing and cinematography were so great that they both won oscars. The filming was so great that the every single shot, some lasting several minutes, is like real life, wich it was. The director opted to shoot only in natural light, on location and with real snow! Thats amazing because snow is a nightmare to work with.

The film follows Hugh Glass as he goes through the average Finnish commute. First being attacked by Native Americans and forced to leg with 5 other guys, Then being attacked by a bear, and left for dead by Tom Hardy. But the wrath of Hugh is furious as this Glass is the type used for windshields. Glass crawls for safety and gets in some deep shit along the way. And thats the majority of the film.

The Story was exectuted in an amazing way. And I rarely say that about anything. With combined with the award-winning acting by both Leonardo and Tom, the final product looks like a documentary following a broken man on his quest for vengeance!

While the film is Amazing, was real life more badass once again. Not only did mr. Glass not actually stand upright during his journey, he also didnt receive help chasing away wolves. And also the bear tore off the skin from his back, exposing his ribcage.

The film does have to bend the rules a bit, so its excused. However there is one glaring error I must address: Bears hibrenate in the winter, cubs are born during this time, and accompany the mother for a bit over a year. Thats an inexcusable error by the writers. But I guess they needed a reason for the bear to attack.

Deadpool

Am I late??

Oh Shit!!

Whatever! Lets review this thing!!

Ever since the leaked test-footage a few years back, everyones been anxious for a deadpool movie. Wich we now have. And its Amazing with a capital A! No one thought there would be a market for an R-rated comic-book movie about a foul-mouthed superantihero. But then it came out and broke all the walls (Like, 16 of them) and box-office records. And while a lot of it can be attributed to marketing, is the movie itself so good that it couldve done so without it.

Not much more can be said about it that hasn't already been said. Ryan Reynolds nails his role and the writing is phenomenal. The supporting cast is amazing in their roles and the effects are decent. While a great many old people think of this film as an abomination, I personally like to think of it as an example to other films that as long as its good, it doesnt have to be stripped of all the action to be succesfull. Thanks to this film the next wolverine-film might be R-rated and actually edgy for a change.

I personally cant wait for the next one. Hopefully Fox wont cut the budget for it like it did for this one. At least the worked around it brilliantly.

The Hateful Eight

Skit can be found here =)

Quentin Tarantino is often accused of plagiarising his own and other peoples work. And the H8ful 8 is no exeption! This time the master of violence has stolen the plot from Agatha Christie and the structure from himself. Yes, its a good and entertaining film and all that crap, but theres alot of riding on the Tarantino name alone, and the focus appears to have been to make a tribute to firstly westerns and secondly to Tarantinos earlier work. Things like shooting in 70 mm and using the old-fashioned method of repeating every frame to make a slow-mo shot.

But enough of this complaining! The movie kicked some serious butt!!! It truly was like an Agatha Christie novel with its tense and gripping moments of intensity and violence. Even though there are in fact 9 hateful people going all internet-comment-section on eachother and murderizing eachother to shit! I wont spoil anything but imagine a cross between Then there were none, Murder on the orient express, Reservoir dogs and a western, you're pretty close to what this film basically is.

The production desing was perfect, the set, the costuming, the oscar-nominated score..... And the casting couldnt have been better, in the end, you truly hate each and every one of the characters, wich I suppose was the goal, and still not spoiling anything, the murders are pretty inventive and awsome. It was in fact so filled to the brim with gore that I was rubbing my face for pieces of intestens for a few hours after leaving the theatre. So fair warning about that.

If you go see this movie, you will not be dissappointed or bored, for while it feels long, it doesnt feel like it drags. Wich is perfect, given that its over 3 hours long. So go see this incredibly grotesque and potentially traumatizing film, you will enjoy it very much.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens..... On second thoughts. And also spoilers :)

Remember a while ago when I bashed Star Wars to the ground? Well I was wrong, about some things. Most of the arguments I made still stand, but what I did was focus solely on them, instead of the good stuff, wich there is a lot of. Most things in fact are very good, and after seeing it another twenty-eight times, I've decided to write about all the amazing stuff that I expirienced while viewing this movie.

Well obviously this.

But other than that: All of this stuff: TR-8R, BB-8, FN-2187, 3D......
But seriously for a change, BB-8 was the most awsome orange and white ball I have ever seen

He (?) was just the coolest thing that the production team could have come up with, while not being an R2-D2 replacment, and if the story about Simon Pegg's daughter befriending the onset robot is true, it makes him all the more awsome. And the way his roundness was used for visual humor made him something that was lacking from the prequels, a fun character. 

Serious characters, there were some, like Tarkin jr. I mean Hux! And Captain Phasma, the third in a proud tradition of looking cool, while at the same time doing jack-shit. But someone I really want to talk about (for now), is Kylo Ren, or should I say, Ben Solo? I wont, but still. Now that I've given it some thought, Kylo was an extremely deep and intresting character, leaving me to think what would have happened to Luke should he have chosen the path of the dark side. He was clearly a woulrenable boy, not knowing what to do, and therefore choosing to follow the strongest and smartest one around.

Speaking of whom: heres a theory on who Supremeleader Snoke is!!!!

According to my theory; he is Emperor Palpatine. Heres the evidence: His disfigurments recemble being  very badly burned, or electrocuted, like Palpatine was, twice. Palpatines body was never found, he was a storng force-user, he could have survived and escaped that drop. If he was the apprentice of  Darth Plagueis, he might have known how to survive death. Thats all I've got to be honest. Its not a very good theory. Anyways, I'l be back with a new review sometime wednesday when the H8ful Eight finally comes out in Finland. 

2015 What is Film Awards

Skit coming, too busy at the moment.

2015 is over, but before we dive face first into the cloud of unearned optimism that is 2016, lets look back at the best, worst, and the mediocheriest films of last year. There are howerver many categories I came up with while writing this. Also keep in mind that not only did I not see all films,  and some werent released in Finland yet. And I'm including films I didnt review. Hold on to your butts!

Action
Best:
I didnt have to think about this too much, While there were many good action films this year, like the fun Kingsmen and the total parody Spy, this award goes straight to Mad Max: Fury Road! The absolutely epic awsomenesplosion delivered what I wanted, and destroyed my low expectations! I so cant wait for the 3 other films in the series in wich Tom Hardy has been singed up for.
Worst: 
Terminator Genisys, move along.
Mediocheriest:
This I had to think about for a bit, but ultimately decided to not include a "mediocher" cathegory.

Actors
Best: 
There were many good ones to choose from, Tom Hardy in Legend, Tom Hardy in Mad max, Tom Hardy in Legend, again. But I ultimately went with Tom Hardy as Ronald Kray in Lengend, he completely sold both of his performances as the crime-lord twins, But in my opinion, the mentally challengend Ronnie was the better one.
Worst:
Ugh, Idk, Jai Courteny in Terminator Genisys.

Comic-book movies
Best:
There were two Marvel films last year. Of those two, One was great, and the other amazing. Avengers: Age of Ultron was slightly better than Antman.  Sorry, but without Edgar Wright, it feels like the director that was brought in just tried to copy his style, not quite nailing it.
Worst:
Fant4stic, Fuck that film, needing the rights is no excuse for a lowsy film, Fox!

Eurm.. Effects
Best:
While films like The Martian and The Walk looked really good, I feel like Star Wars: The Force Awakens blended CGI with practicality the best. With perhaps too much overshadowing of the CG, making some characters really stand out as badly done.
Worst:
FantFourStic, I dont want to talk about it anymore.

Score
Best:
I went mad trying to think of the worst- pick in this category, the best one was Mad Max; Fury Road!!!!!!
Worst:
I dont know, didnt listen, probably Terminator genisys or Fant2+2stic.

Worst Film of 2015
Fant4stic four, stop asking me about these things.

Best Film of 2015
There were so many great..hahahahahahaaa, Couldnt even write it with a straight face. There were some great movies this year, Legend, Star Wars, The Walk, Jurassic world..... (these are honorable mentions I've just decided) But only one can be the best!!! And if you know anything about patterns, you will know that it was:

This film

Here's to a good film year! Let us hope 2016 also has some good movies!

The Girl King

Remember way-back-when when I wished for a movie about a gay princess? Well here it is! only this is very much not a disney-film. So very much not. And since I saw it with my grandparents, I am now dead. The Girl King is a Finnish/Swedish film about Queen Kristina of Sweden, and her life as the titular "Girl-King". And seeing as how she was a strong indipendent woman who didnt need no man! she of course is a great ruler, right? WRONG! she is torn between being a good queen, and embrasing herself. See back in the 17th century, it was not suitable for a queen not to have an heir to the throne.

But enought about the story! How was the film itself? It was fairly "meh". Some things were good, like the props. Other things were not good, like the acting and pacing. The actors clearly struggled to not sound like rally-drivers, but failed miserably. Mika Kaurismäki, brother of Spielbergs Finnish counterpart; Tapani Spiilperkkilä. Tries to make this a great historical epic, but the finished product is rushed, drags at ome points, uses the wrong gimmicks at the wrong points, goes for shock-value over actual emotion..... I could go on listing the things that are wrong, but I wont. Its a finnish movie made in English. They are generally fairly bad, for example Iron Sky. Fun, but lacked any deeper meaning. This is that again, slighty better maybe, but dont see it with your grandparents. The lesbian-part of Kristinas story is explored fairly graphically.

And since people were shorter 400 years ago, and this was filmed in real castles, everyone crouches in doorways like theyre Bigfoot.